I Will Never Forget You
by WickedWitchoftheWilds
Summary: Solas finds Lavellan after all these years, but she is not the woman she once was.


Solas stood outside of the small cottage, hesitating to approach. He knew what he would find inside and it was only natural that he would feel at least a small amount of fear. It had been years since he had seen her last. Even then it was only a small glimpse as he hid amongst the trees, watching her with a mix of anger and relief as she married the Commander. He had told her to move on, to enjoy what years she would have left and she listened. A part of him howled in pain as she became Cullen's wife. She was supposed to be his. She was his heart. His home. His vhenan.

Solas took a step forward to the small cottage. He could smell the fragrance of the lavender and lilies and elfroot that grew wildly underneath the windows. He could almost imagine that this was their cottage. That their children had grown up here and run through the flowers barefoot. Even her children would be grown now. Solas ignored the pain in his chest and walked closer to the door. He wouldn't have even come if one of his agents hadn't slipped him the report. The Commander had passed and she was alone now. Solas held no hope that she would be his again, but he needed to see her.

Taking a moment to suppress the tremble of his hands, he raised his fist and knocked lightly. At first there was silence. He held his breath, hoping he was not too late. After a deafening moment he could hear someone shuffling across wood floors before stopping in front of the door. It slowly opened revealing her and he resisted the urge to fall to his knees and weep.

He had waited too long.

Her deep auburn hair was now completely grey and held back in a soft braid down to her waist. She had let it grow out, the last time he saw her, it had only reached her shoulders. Withered fingers clasped a blanket around her shoulder, hiding the arm he had taken from her. Her eyes were still a bright green and still sparkled as she smiled up at him.

"Hello _da'len_. Are you here to see my daughter? She went to town today. She'll be back later." She spoke softly, her voice no longer as melodic as it once was.

"Lanaya?" He whispered, not understanding how she didn't recognize him. He had remained unchanged through these long years.

"Yes? Do I know you?" Her smile did not falter.

"I…yes…do you not remember me?" He clasped his hands behind his back to hide them from view.

"No, _ir abelas_. My memory is not what it was." She said, regretfully.

"Oh, I am sorry for bothering you." He inclined his head towards her, wanting nothing more than to run away.

"Wait, please. Why don't you have a cup of tea with me. I get so few visitors." She opened the door wider.

He grimaced at the thought of tea, but nevertheless he followed her as she shuffled towards the kitchen, leaving him to shut the door. He watched her make her way slowly to make the tea, her shoulders stooped, and he couldn't reconcile this image with the proud, straight-backed woman he had fallen in love with. She gestured to a small table with only two chairs and sat on the edge of one, ready to spring up at a moment's notice. Lanaya grabbed the pot, already filled with water, and stared at it a moment.

"Lanaya?" He spoke her name softly to break her from her reverie.

"I'm sorry…right…tea." Her voice was laced with frustration.

She carried the pot over to the fire and hung it up on a hook over the fire to boil the water. He watched as she stood near the fire, swaying slightly, as if she was constantly trying to keep her balance. Quietly, he stood and approached her just in case she would need assistance. She was lost in the fire. He spoke her name softly once more, not wanting to startle her. She jumped but, turned and smiled at him.

"How do you like your tea?"

"Plain."

She wrinkled her nose slightly, "Isn't that bitter?"

"It is bitter regardless." He smiled softly at her.

Steam poured from the spout and she reached for it, her hands uncovered. He placed his hands over hers to stop her. She looked at up at him the question on her lips.

"Let me." He offered under the guise of politeness.

"Such a nice young man. My Ashalle must be quit taken with you." She shuffled over to the table and sat down.

Solas grabbed a towel and grabbed the teapot from the fire and carried it over to the table, placing it on another towel. He grabbed the cups from the counter and set one for her and one for him. The sugar and the teabags were already on the table. He poured them both cups and she set a bag in each. She sat across from her at the table.

"Ashalle?" He finally asked.

"My daughter. You are smitten with her aren't you?" She winked at him.

"I am afraid I have not had the honor of meeting her. I am here to meet you." He gripped his tea cup tightly, trying to keep his emotions hidden. She didn't remember him at all. Perhaps it was a kindness in the long run, but he wanted her to remember. He wanted to hear her call him _vhenan_ once more, even if it was in anger.

"Oh dear. I am afraid it would never work dear. You are far too young." She patted his arm reassuringly.

She looked down at her teacup and added a cube of sugar. He took the moment out from under her gaze to stare at the lines in her face. The woman he had loved and abandoned was all but gone. He looked down at the table, doing his best to hide the pain that was as plain as day on his face.

"Solas?"

A voice, her voice, small and weakened with age and disbelief caused his head to snap back up. She was staring at him, her fingers poised over his arm. She knew him, she saw him, she recognized him. He reached for her, cupping her face, thumb stroking her sagging cheek. Her eyes closed, a stray tear escaping and running down her face. He fought his own urge to weep at the relief that bloomed in his chest.

"You're here." She murmured.

"I am, I'm sorry I waited so long." His voice was thick with emotion.

"I've waited so long. Even with Cullen, I waited." Her eyes opened and she stared at him, her eyes glassy and full of unshed tears.

"You forgot. You didn't know me." He choked out.

"I am forgetting everything. Eventually I won't be able to remember anything at all anymore. I have lost so many precious memories already. I am clinging to you now." Her hand covered his.

Fate had been so cruel to them already. Now it was stealing the memories of the only woman he loved. There would never be anyone after her. He should have never left her. He should have found a way. His hand trembled against her cheek. She smiled softly.

"I loved no one the way I loved you _vhenan._ " She turned and placed a small kiss against his palm.

He dropped his hand and covered his face to hide any tears that he might shed. Only moments passed, their tea forgotten and the silence deafening. He finally looked up at her once more and her smile was gentle.

"My Ashalle must have hurt you quite a bit _da'len._ " She patted his arm, gently, "It is a shame, you are quite handsome. If only I was younger." She added wistfully.

His smile was weak but, it did not falter in front of her, "If only." He echoed and stood from the table giving her a small bow, "I have wasted enough of your time Lanaya."

"You have graced an old woman with your company. Hardly a waste." She winked at him.

He reached for her hand and she placed it in his. For the last time he searched her eyes for any spark of recognition, but it had gone as fast as it came. He brought her hand to his lips and placed a small kiss on her knuckles. She smiled and inclined her head before he let go of her hand and walked away for the last time. He wouldn't see her again. She wouldn't remember him and even if she did by some chance, he wouldn't cause her anymore pain. Solas' feet carried him to the edge of the woods where he leaned against a tree, the tears flowing freely.

"Goodbye _vhenan."_


End file.
